Weekend Update

Well I must say it certainly has been an interesting weekend.

I feel better now that I've cleared the air with a close friend. In doing so, I think I helped her out with an issue. I just can't wait for her to move here from out of state. Even though there is an age difference, we do seem to have a lot in common.

I am still working on another issue with a wise friend. I'm hoping that the stupid mistakes I made will not permanently affect our relationship. I should have listened to her in the first place instead of HIM. I will accept whatever she deems necessary.

I've had loads of fun this weekend with DJ, Jen, and Talia. Now if only the camera was working, I'd post pictures. I never thought I would ever have fun like this. I feel so free to be myself. I am being accepted for who I am.

I must say that the past two years I have been living indoors way too much. Living under someone else's thumb, rules, whatever you want to call it, really is quite a bummer. I am an adult and I can do what I please. The only way someone can dictate what I do is if they are my father or my husband.

I have determined that I am going back to the person I once was. I won't take any bull, certainly not from a man. I will not trust a man until my friends feel comfortable with him. It's too bad I had to go through so much crap and loss to figure this out.

In closing, I hope I will be able to continue to enjoy myself even though I am possibly terminally ill. No, I'm not trying to seek attention by mentioning it. I am not comfortable speaking of it to anyone either. It's apparent though that I have so much more to live for now, I want to enjoy it as much as possible.

Love to you all and be safe!

LOL...my ramblings...

Do you all know that song "Micky"? Well today I was working hard, singing that song, and instead of the name Micky, I put in DJ. LOL! How hilarious is that?! Like I said yesterday, strange and wonderful things do happen. I've waited so long for this! I actually went to see High Priest today after work and told him what has been going on with me. I know I haven't seen High Priest for a while but he still welcomed me with open arms and blessed me. He told me that I am a good person and that after all I've been through, this is my gift. Someone who cares for, and respects, the person that I am. High Priest knows that I've been channelling within dreams and he told me that I won't have to do that much longer. Astral-projection is so cool when you can see other people's dreams! Anyway, back to DJ. Thank you dear for coming into my life when I was at my lowest point. You are a wonderful person!

Isn't it funny?!

Just when you thought you were in the lowest place in life, you get rewarded by something wonderful! Wow, I must have done something special to deserve this new gift! I thought I wasn't worth a damn and come to find out it wasn't me that was the problem this whole time. It was the tiny little limp dick shmuck that I've had the displeasure of being with these past two years. My newest reward is I guess payment for what I've had to endure. Dealing with cheating, lying, and all-out disrespect deserves receiving such a wonderful gift! My friend's brother has graced my life with shining beams of sunlight. He is such a wonderful person. I can't believe there's someone as awesome as him!

Confessions

Confessions of a middle aged "victim"


I am a player but get caught because I don't know the game.

I am weak, I can't control my urges.

I was loved and trusted but threw it away for lust.

I am well-liked by children but can't talk to them appropriately.

I had two female friends for five years but lost them because I said bad things about them.

I had a woman for two years but lost her because I did bad things to her.

I am a broken man.

I am in pain.

Have I learned my lesson yet?

I should prove to the world that I will get help for my reckless behavior.

I am a broken man.

I have been cursed.

Too bad...

So...I come to find out that you've dipped your ink pen in many different wells. Too bad you didn't cover your tracks very well. As for my young sprite, it was advised to you on how careful you should be. Too bad you didn't heed the warning. Alas, none of us who were involved with you exist to you any longer. We curse you, we curse you, we curse you. My only wish is that the new love takes care of herself. I'm furious that we all have to do the same. Son, I'd hoped this situation would have turned out better but you must have gotten hit by the lying stick. Oh and the stupid stick too since crack kills the brain cells.

Here goes...

You know, you are really making people quite ill. If flaunting were a sin, you'd be burning in hell right now. Honestly, what have I ever done for you to seek revenge upon me in this fashion. Are you truly that selfish! We all know lying is a sin, but lying to cover your ass because you got caught in lies is pathetic. Good luck because she's going to need it and an extra pair or two of eyes.

What a curve ball!

You know, it's interesting, you get so blinded by love that you just don't truly see what's right in front of you. Maybe you just don't want to believe it could happen. You get so many plans in your mind, you want to do so many things with the one you love. You work hard so you can someday treat the one you love to something special. Maybe as you were working so hard for your dream that your love just couldn't wait. Hmmm...I just don't know. Ah but I do know this, if you ever have any doubts, then they're more than likely true.

Understanding Hodgkin's

Hodgkin’s lymphoma is not a common cancer. According to the American Cancer Society Facts and Figures, 2004, about 7,880 new cases are expected to be diagnosed. Hodgkin’s lymphoma occurs mainly in young adults, with a peak occurrence between the ages of 16 and 34. Older patients, especially those over the age of 55, may also develop this disease.

Hodgkin’s lymphoma is a cancer that is thought to arise from an abnormal lymphocyte. The disease was named after Thomas Hodgkin, the British doctor who first identified this disease in 1832, long before the existence and function of lymphocytes were known. Because for many years the cell of origin was unknown, doctors referred to this illness as Hodgkin's disease. Since the cell of origin is now known to be a lymphocyte, the disease is now considered a type of lymphoma. All other types of lymphoma are referred to as non-Hodgkin's lymphomas, and arise from either abnormal B-cells (most commonly) or T-cells (less commonly).

Most people with Hodgkin’s lymphoma have abnormal cells called Reed-Sternberg (R-S) cells. Other abnormal cell types may be present as well. However, the presence of R-S cells alone does not mean that an individual has Hodgkin’s lymphoma. To confirm a diagnosis, the lymphatic tissue sample that contains Reed-Sternberg cells must also be surrounded by a background of other cells and features that are characteristic of Hodgkin’s lymphoma. A pathologist may use immunological tests that look for cell surface markers (antigens) that identify specific cell types in order to help make the diagnosis.

Hodgkin’s lymphoma has been studied more than any other type of lymphoma. The good news is that there have been rapid advances in the diagnosis and treatment of this disease, and over 80% of patients with Hodgkin’s lymphoma are cured.

WHAT CAUSES HODGKIN’S LYMPHOMA

The exact causes are unknown. Doctors cannot explain why one person gets Hodgkin’s lymphoma and another does not. We do know that Hodgkin’s lymphoma is not caused by an injury and that you cannot get it by being in contact with someone who has the disease.

Several factors (called risk factors) have been implicated as playing a role in Hodgkin’s lymphoma. People who have been infected with the Epstein-Barr virus (which causes mononucleosis) may be more likely to develop Hodgkin’s lymphoma. HIV infection is also a risk factor. Some evidence also seems to suggest that family members of those with Hodgkin’s lymphoma have a higher-than-average chance of developing the disease.

It is important to note that if you have one or more of these risk factors, it does not mean that you will get Hodgkin’s lymphoma. In fact, most people with risk factors never develop the disease. Many who are diagnosed have no identifiable risk factors.

HOW HODGKIN’S LYMPHOMA DEVELOPS

Hodgkin’s lymphoma usually starts in lymph nodes. Since lymph tissues all over the body are connected, abnormal (cancerous) lymphocytes can circulate in the lymphatic vessels. As a result, Hodgkin’s lymphoma often spreads from one lymph node to another throughout the body. Hodgkin’s lymphoma can also spread to other areas and organs outside the lymph system. Unlike other lymphomas, Hodgkin’s lymphoma tends to spread more in sequence from one lymph node area to the next, skipping areas less frequently than NHL.

http://www.lymphoma.org/

Well...

I can honestly say that since I've been off the internet I have learned many lessions and experienced feelings that are new to me. I never thought I'd actually feel hatred toward someone, I was taught better than that. I've had to learn patience, which is not one of my better virtues. I feel I've been hit with a ton of bricks. Health and family issues arise at the worst of times. Clarity of mind is certainly not at the top of my list right now. Karma is a very interesting creature, she is about to strike again. Vengeance is mine, one way or another.